Stolls' Show
by nomnom15
Summary: Season Two of Stolls' Show has begun...and now it has become the Olympians' first ever sketch comedy...as well as the highest rated. Unfortunately, it may be a bit more raunchier than before. Still Rated T for coarse language and suggestive content!
1. Prologue

_**Remember folks, I don't own PJO. Or anything else in Pop Culture that can and probably will be made fun of in this story. Props to Rick Riordan!**_

* * *

><p><strong>PROLOGUE<strong>

"The Gods don't laugh," Nico joked as he stood outside, against the wall of the Dining Pavilion. "They have no sense of humor. They'd vaporize anyone who tries to screw with them."

Percy Jackson was directly beside the Son of Hades, sipping on some Coke and laughing along. Along with the two best friends stood Annabeth Chase, Travis and Connor Stoll, Will Solace, Jake Mason, and Thalia Grace, who was only visiting for a short while.

"I bet you we could make 'em laugh!" the Stolls said in unison. "It'd be easy!"

Percy shuffled up against the wall in disbelief, chuckling as he looked up. "Whatever you guys are planning, leave the non-Hermes kids out of it. I don't need any more all-powerful immortals on my tail."

Suddenly, Mr. D strolled up to them from within the Dining area. "The Gods don't laugh at the same _things_ as you brats do. We prefer laughing at the unfortunate mishaps of you _insects _instead."

At those words, the friends' faces went from happy to angry in a matter of seconds. Not one camper liked Mr. D. He always had to make them feel bad about who they were or how they looked or whatever he could find, really.

"I'll make you all a deal," Dionysus jeered. "Put on a show. If you can make the Gods do so much as _chuckle_, Chiron and I will leave camp for an entire_ week_ and leave it in the hands of…Parker Jameson here. To do whatever he and his cohorts please."

Percy stood up straight. "It's _Percy Johnson_…I mean_ JACKSON! _ERRGH!"

Percy failed to notice all of his friends' faces lighting up at the idea. The guys were thinking of Percy's status with the ladies, and how much girls he could get them. Annabeth thought of how much alone time she could have with her boyfriend. The twins thought of how many pranks the could pull off without consequences, while Will and Jake thought of non-stop campfire songs and more time in the forges. Thalia just decided to relish the amount of freedom from her hunters she could have gotten if Kelp Head were in charge.

Before the poor Son of Poseidon could protest, Connor jumped up and spoke, wrapping his arm across Percy's shoulders.

"I think I speak for my boy right here," Connor threatened, "when I say: _It's OOOONNNNN!"_

"No! That wasn't what I was going to say—"

But it was too late. Dionysus had already taken Percy's hand and had shaken it, and a clipboard magically appeared in his hands.

"Very well," he began, "Peter, Connor, and Travis will put on a weekly show, for five weeks, and if it doesn't knock Aeolus' Weather Channel off the charts, then you three boys will have to be my lackeys for 2 weeks. Deal?"

"Ugh…deal. And my name is PERCY."

Dionysus walked away proudly, content with the fact that he would most likely win the bet. As soon as he had left, the Stolls and the group had started murmuring and talking about what there show would be: a sitcom, a news show parody, or an anthology series. Suddenly, Percy got an idea.

"It's called the Stolls' Show," Percy said, smiling. "And it's going to be a sketch comedy."

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><p><em><strong>AN: I just got this idea not to long ago. When the "show" starts, the chapters will be longer, promise! Just compare the show to "Mad TV," or that Disney show "So Random!" and work with that. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story! **_

– _**Chris**_


	2. Finding Stars

**II.**

**FINDING STARS**

* * *

><p>"We need stars for the first episode," Percy inquired, sitting down with his co-stars Travis and Connor. "And a someone to film it. And a crew, and…you know the works."<p>

So that's exactly what the boys did. Inside the Big House, with the permission of Mr. D, casting calls and job offers were held by Percy and Travis, while Connor handed out scripts and job descriptions to those who were qualified by Percy. The first to walk in was Thalia.

"Name," Percy said, smiling up at her.

"You _know_ my name, Kelp Head," she hissed. Percy's smile faded.

"Either follow the rules or get out," he warned. "Now. Give me the name, Captain Emo."

"Ugh. Thalia. Grace."

"OK, and what brings you here?"

"I'd like to be on your show."

"And why is that?"

"Because it sounds awesome and I really want to see my dad in the audience."

"Touching. And are you funny?"

"I consider myself to be."

"What position would you like to be in?"

"An actress."

"Are you pregnant?"

"NO! What does that have to do with?—"

"Can't have any damn babies on set. Are you above the age of fourteen?"

"Yes. I'm fifteen. Eternally."

"Are you now or have you ever been connected to Al-Qaeda?"

"No. I never—"

"Are you a lesbian?"

"No!—"

"How's my hair?"

"Good! I guess—"

"Have you ever been attracted to me?"

"Once—"

"WHO SOLD YOU THE DRUGS?"

"OMG I am so confused…"

"…You're in."

* * *

><p>Next to walk in was Malcolm. He was wearing a dark grey polo and plaid shorts, with his blonde hair spiked up. Now it was Travis' turn to interview.<p>

"Name?" he asked.

"Malcolm."

"Position you'd like to be in?"

"Producer."

"Ooh, how bold of you. How old are you, Malcolm?"

'I'm fourteen**." (A/N: the books never mention his last name or his age, so just go with it)**

"Perfect. So are you socially awkward?"

"Huh? No, just thoughtful and somewhat quiet."

"So you probably pull a lot of ladies, huh?"

"Pardon?"

"You be getting' your mack on with them human beings of the female gender, you dirty slut?"

"Travis, none of these questions have anything to do with the purpose of the interview."

"Alright cut the crap. Are you gay?"

"No. Absolutely not. But I have nothing against homosexuals either."

"Have you been tested for any STDs?"

"No. Never."

"Am I making you nervous?"

"No, of course not, Travis."

"What if I touch your face just like this?"

"Please stop rubbing my cheek sensually in that fashion."

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER."

"PLEASE JUST STOP!"

"Malcolm?"

"Y-yes?"

"Take my hand. 'Cause you're on the show, beyotch."

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><p>After hours of rigorous interviewing, Percy read off the list of confirmed cast and crew members. It read:<p>

_**CONFIRMED HOSTS:**_

**Percy Jackson****  
><strong>

**Travis Stoll****  
><strong>

**Connor Stoll****  
><strong>

_**CAST:**_

**Thalia Grace**

**Nico Di Angelo**

**Annabeth Chase**

**Jake Mason**

**Will Solace**

**Drew—you know, the Asian**

**Lacy**

**Mitchell**

**Troy**

**Nyssa**

_**SPECIAL GODLY GUEST:**_

**Hermes**

_**CREW:**_

**Hephaestus Cabin**

**Hectate Cabin**

_**PRODUCERS:**_

**Malcolm**

**Clovis**

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><p>Percy stared at the list, obviously proud of himself. With a reassuring look from Travis and Connor, Percy polybagged the sheet of paper in his hands and stamped it shut. He could tell already by the script in Connor's hands that the first episode of Stoll's Show was going to make the Gods roll on the floor.<p>

And that was a promise all three boys intended to keep.

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><p><em><strong>AN: OK, now we're ready for the actual show in the next few chapters. Hopefully I won't fail to make you laugh in the near future! Read and Review! **_

– _**Chris**_


	3. Week One

**III. **

**WEEK ONE**

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><p>Lights turned on center stage at the amphitheater. Percy looked outside of the curtain to the audience, which consisted of over a 200 heads. Percy could see Poseidon sitting with his three brothers, drinking and laughing along with each other. <em>At least they were already in a good mood<em>.

"Percy!" Travis called, barely above a whisper. "We are on in 30 seconds! Lights?"

"Check."

"Sound?"

"Taken care of."

"Awesome. You look good, but it couldn't hurt to mess up your hair just a bit."

With that, Travis walked off to get ready with the twenty seconds he had left. Percy did last minute check-ups: smelling his breath, wiping his mouth, wetting his lips, fixing his hair, and fixing his clothes. Suddenly, he heard his introduction blast over the speakers, by none other than Connor.

_**Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome to the stage, a man who is undoubtedly a visionary. A man of many colors, but mostly blue. Women want to eat him alive. Men want to eat him alive. And giant blood-thirsty monsters…want to eat him alive. A Titan in his very own right, please show some of Aphrodite's love for my number one brotha, Percy Jacksoooooonnnnnn!**_

Percy ran onstage to a roar of applause. The lights were a bit bright, but his eyes adjusted and his pearl-white teeth shone over them when he smiled.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thanks…OK thanks. Seriously shut the hell up guys I'm trying to talk."

The audience chuckled and died down.

"OK, so, first off, welcome to the Stolls' Show."

Percy earned some earth-shattering cheers at that.

"Most of you might be wondering why we're doing this. Well it's mostly because there's nothing else on TV at the moment and there was nothing in the fridge to eat. And seriously, I was about to go ham. Get it? Get—Nevermind. The point is this happens to be the first sketch comedy on the Olympians' TV schedule so that's good."

The cheers were even louder than before.

"So are you all ready for some sketches?"

The audience cheered once again.

"OK, this first one we actually had a lot of fun doing, and it's called the _Debate team_. And to those of you who may be offended by what you see, you can either suck it up and stop bitching or just get the [bleep] out of our audience. Love you though. TO THE SKETCH!"

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><p><em>In the Olympian throne room, all twelve Olympians were sitting, arguing. But something was different. Zeus was actually Troy, a new camper, Poseidon was Percy, Hades was Nico, Aphrodite was Drew, Apollo was Will, Ares was Sherman, Artemis was Thalia, Athena was Annabeth, Demeter was Katie, Dionysus was Pollux, Hephaestus was Jake, Hermes was Travis, and Hestia and Hera were forced to be played by Lacy and Rachel Dare.<em>

"**OK, so it's official, we all order 12 pizzas, one for each of us," Zeus bellowed. "What do we all want?"**

**Poseidon looked up. He spoke as if he was a high skater dude. "Anchovies. But not like, live ones, ya know, because that'd be eating fish, and I like, don't eat fish, ya know, man?"**

"**Lovely, but—"**

"**Like, it depends on the type of Anchovy, because, like, ya know, I'd eat dead little ones, but if it's like, big and alive, ya know, I'd like, probably do it."**

"**OK, that's very off-putting, but—"**

"**Like, if you were a giant anchovy, I'd do you."**

"…**Ahem, yes. Hades, what about you?"**

"**Death."**

"**Right. Aphrodite?"**

"**OMGosh I broke another nail!"**

"**Nails. Odd. Apollo?"**

"**Green Day is such a kick-ass band, bro."**

"**Mhmm. Ares?"**

"**I like…to hit things."**

"**I know. But what would you like to have on the pizza?"**

"**People. To hit. With my FISTS."**

"**OK…Artemis?"**

"**I will RIP your dick off, BOY."**

"**OK, we'll wing it with you. Athena?"**

"**I'll have whatever's wise to eat."**

"**Demeter?"**

"**Anything organic!"**

"**Good, good. Hephaestus?"**

"**I hate life. And you. And my mother."**

"**Love you too kid. Hermes?"**

"**Don't use your toothpaste tonight."**

"…**Thank you? Hestia?"**

"**I'll have whatever makes as all happy, please."**

"**Hera, honey? What about you?"**

"**I want you to stop being a whore."**

"**I resent that!"**

**The entire council stood erect and ready to fight.**

"**Dude, man, dog, bro, homie…you shouldn't like, cheat on your wife, and stuff man, you should like, be faithful. Would Marlin cheat on Dory? Would Ariel ditch Sebastian? Like, imagine if I cheated on my anchovies."**

"**SHUT UP, POSEIDON!"**

"**You have no right to cheat on me!" Hera sobbed. "Why must you hurt me?"**

"**Hmm…let me think. Maybe because I'm the **_**fucking**_** King of the **_**fucking **_**Gods?"**

* * *

><p>The audience roared with laughter. Even Zeus thought his portrayal was rather amusing.<p>

Travis ushered Percy to continue on with the rest of the sketch. Percy obliged, and allowed the screen to keep rolling.

* * *

><p>"<strong>OK, can we please not fight, people?" Hestia begged. "Hera, for the sake of things, what would you like on your pizza?"<strong>

"**A faithful husband!"**

"**IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? HUH? FINE THEN! HAVE IT YOUR WAY, **_**DEAREST**_**!"**

**Immediately following Zeus' anger, the King of the Gods proceeded to take off his pants and moon his wife.**

"**IS THAT WHAT YA WANT? FINE! WHEN THE PIZZA GETS HERE, I CAN RUB MY ASS ALL OVER THE FUCKING STUFF! THEN YOU CAN HAVE ME ****ALL**** OVER YOUR PIZZA!"**

* * *

><p>The audience was dying of laughter, almost to tears by now. When Percy felt satisfied, he shut the clip off, and ran out to center stage.<p>

"OK," Percy began, desperate to talk over the roar of cheers. "That was just a warm-up. You know, being who I am, I know what stress is like. From the Gods whining over themselves to the Aphrodite Cabin crying over lack of make-up…even Artemis stressing over her Hunters. Some of them need release, don't you think?"

The audience beamed in response, yelling and whistling.

"Some of them just need to smoke some weed, bro."

As soon as the words escaped his lips, Percy was vibrated by the force of cheers and laughs from the audience below.

"We have exactly what that would look like right here. Please, put your hands together, for our very own Anthology Series: _The Marijuana Effect_."

* * *

><p><em>Lights dimmed and centered on the middle of the stage. People cheered as Hermes and Travis sat in silence in two fluffy chairs, eyeing one another.<em>

"**Father."**

"**Son."**

"**I understand you've been under a lot of stress."**

"**Yes, I have. Being the messenger of the Gods is tough work, kid."**

"**Well we have a solution: it's called the Marijuana Effect, would you be willing to try it out?"**

"**Sounds do-able."**

"**OK, well we have footage of you taking mail for the gods, so we'll show that first as the before effect."**

_Immediately, a video of the Gods screaming at Hermes to send their mail flashed on the screen. The God of Thieves was undoubtedly ready to collapse from stress as he trudged out of Olympus and into the night sky, his Caduceus in hand._

"**Tragic," Travis said sympathetically. "But now, let's take a look at what would happen if Hermes was under: **_**The Marijuana Effect**_**. Take a look."**

_**The same video popped up again, but this time Hermes sat calmly in his throne with a freshly lit joint in between his first two fingers. His eyes were droopy and he smelt of grass and dirt.**_

"**HERMES!" Zeus yelled. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DELIVER OUR MAIL **_**TWO **_**HOURS AGO!"**

"**Man…fuck that fucking mail bro. I'm hungrier than a Minotaur. You got any cheetos in this bitch?"**

**Zeus sat, jaw dropped. "No, we don't have…**_**cheetos**_** on Olympus."**

"**FUCK! What about…shit man I'm out. Can you light me up?"**

"**I do not own a lighter—"**

"**Fuck it man, Ima go get one at Dollar General or some shit."**

_By now the audience was rolling out of their seats. Percy was laughing as well, trying to cover his mouth as he sat backstage waiting for his cue once more._

"**That was a good change," Travis said, sitting back into his chair. "But let's see how bad it affects the opposite gender. Please welcome Percy Jackson and Thalia Grace."**

_Percy was sitting in a tent, with Thalia, who was dressed as Artemis, laid across her bunk, holding her bandaged shoulder and hissing at the pain. Percy was, however, smoking a joint and ignoring her._

"**Artemis, bro," Percy dragged, "You gotta…seriously girl you just gotta…you have to shut the fuck up for two seconds okay?"**

_The audience burst with laughter. Even Artemis found herself chuckling. For a boy, Percy Jackson was quite amusing, in her opinion._

"**DO YOU NOT SEE THE PAIN I AM IN, PERSEUS JACKSON?"**

"**Here, smoke this."**

"**I do NOT smoke, Mr. Jackson."**

"**No, no, no, no, no…now, what's the word? Oh yeah: no. It's, it's a…it's a…an HERB, from your brother, Apollo."**

"…**Really?"**

"**Yes. Smoke it, and just…shut up and smoke it after you smoke it."**

_Artemis (Thalia) did as she was told. She inhaled, coughed, and exhaled thick, gray smoke._

_One hour later, she and Percy were lying next to each other on her bed, staring at the ceiling, surrounded by thick smoke. The audience found this amusing as they mumbled._

"**I, I gotta hand it to you, Perry, you…you're…you're alright."**

"**You're just…so…pretty, you know? And I cry when you hate me."**

"**I don't hate you though! You're like, you're like my favorite…guy."**

"**You're my favorite…well actually I have a lot of favorite girls, but you're up there."**

"**And you! You're not like other…other guys, you, you um…you're nice, and you're hair is black, so…yeah."**

"**I don't know why people say that love is…why love is love, ya know? Like, why **_**can't **_**I say "I love you"? Because I do bro! That's…that's what you need to learn! Is that I love you! I. Love. You."**

"**Dude…dude let me touch your face."**

"**W-what?"**

"**Just…let me touch you."**

_Though still incredibly high, Percy lay in confusion as Artemis rolled over and began rubbing his face awkwardly. The audience was laughing uncontrollably for the entire sketch. _

"**Hehe…you're so soft."**

**Travis sat up as the video ended. "So there you have it. Not only does our **_**Marijuana Effect **_**help relieve stress, but it also makes women touch handsome men's faces. Thank you."**

* * *

><p>The audience laughed and cheered as Percy ran back on stage after the sketch ended.<p>

"OK, that was a good one," Percy said as he was trying not to chuckle. "Not bad for our first episode. But we do have some other surprises for you. First off, who hates posers?"

Mostly campers stood up and cheered in agreement: _no one_ liked posers.

"Sometimes, I wish there were demigods that had the power to find out what people were _really _like, right?"

More cheers.

"Well," Percy said, smiling, "we happen to have that very God with us. Please, welcome with open arms, a sketch titled: _Bitch McGee_."

* * *

><p><em>Percy Jackson was sitting in his cabin, by himself, crying and holding up a photo of an unknown, but beautiful girl. Suddenly, an average-sized teenager, played by Nico Di Angelo, appeared in front of the sad child.<em>

"**W-who are you?" **

"**I am Bitch McGee. God of Personality."**

"**There's a God for personalities?"**

"**Yes. I am here to grant you powers. To ensure that no women, man, or sentient robot curious to learn human behavior hurts you again, I now grant you the sight: you will now be able to know EXACTLY who a person really is, with but one glance at them."**

"**Wow…thank you, sir!"**

_Percy ran outside, free of his tears, and the first person he ran into was Drew._

"**Hi Percy," Drew cooed, flirtatiously. "I was just looking for you. You know there's that camp formal coming up. And I know you still need a date."**

_Immediately after Drew spoke, Percy stared into her eyes, and a holographic label appeared above her head. It read: WARNING: SLUT; WILL TAKE YOUR WALLET AND BUY STILETTO SHOES._

"**Um, I can't," Percy said, finally catching on. "My father's…sister's…husband's goldfish died. It was extremely tragic."**

_Drew sat in a confused state, giving Percy time to run off. The audience laughed at Percy's ridiculous excuse._

_Continuing to walk to the Big House, Percy also ran into Troy. A label read over his head: WARNING: DOUCHEBAG. DOESN'T LIKE YOU, ONLY WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND SO HE CAN LOOK COOL AND PULL CHICKS._

"**Hey Percy," Troy said, smoothly. "Want to chill and shoot some hoops by the court?"**

**Percy grew angry. "You are a sad, sad boy. Any women could do better than you!"**

_Again, just as Drew had before, Troy stood in silence and confusion as Percy walked off proudly. Finally, Percy ran into one more girl: Victoria, a daughter of Apollo. A label appeared over her head, just as usual: ATTENTION: VERY NICE GIRL. BEAUTIFUL, FUNNY, AND SMART. HAS HAD A CRUSH ON YOU FOR A WHILE AND HOPES THAT YOU MIGHT LOVE HER BACK._

**Nervous, Victoria pulled a strand from the front of her face. "Hi Percy."**

"**Do you need a date to the dance?" Percy said with an ever-cocky grin, grabbing Victoria and holding her up off the ground. "Because I would LOVE to go out with you!"**

**Victoria's face lightened. "Yes! I would love that!"**

_Percy smiled at the camera, and held his thumb up. "Thanks, Bitch McGee!" he mused, earning a roar of laughter from the crowd._

* * *

><p>Percy ran on stage to a very satisfied audience. "OK, so how was it?"<p>

The room shook once more.

"THANK YOU ALL! I WANNA THANK TROY FOR BEING SO COOL, TRAVIS AND CONNOR, FOR MAKING THIS HAPPEN, DREW FOR TAKING THAT INSULT SO NICELY, MY DAD FOR SPEWING ME OUT, HERMES FOR _ACTUALLY _GETTING HIGH, AND NOT STAGING ANYTHING! AND FINALLY, YOU GUYS FOR LOVING IT SO MUCH!"

The audience were now on their feet, clapping and trying to grab at Percy on stage.

"Thanks! Join us next week for another episode of Stolls' Show!"

And with that, Percy ran off stage and into a crowd of a VERY happy cast and crew. The audience loved it and it was only the first broadcast. They had this bet in the bag.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Nothing special. 'Nuff said. Read and Review!**_


	4. Week Two

**IV.**

**WEEK TWO**

_**SPECIAL GODLY GUEST: ARTEMIS**_

* * *

><p>Percy ran onstage, to an even <em>bigger <em>audience than last week. He was holding a cigarette in his left hand and a microphone in the other. People were laughing, but were also surprised. Little did the audience know that it was a fake cigarette.

"Yes, people," Percy mused in-between puffs of smoke. "I am smoking tobacco. Know why? Because I am sick of all this talk of how I should act and how I should be. The Gods are always telling me what to do, where to go, _who_ to date…love you honey."

The audience chuckled as Annabeth smiled and shook her head at Percy's ridiculous attempt to save himself.

"It's time to be my own person! My own self! I need to…become a God."

The audience cheered, whistled, and sat up at the idea of a _Lord Perseus_.

"Well if you guys are so interested, then maybe we should take a look at this new sketch: _Vote for Percy_."

* * *

><p><em>Percy was walking outside the walls of Olympus in a business suit, smiling and chuckling at the beauty of the sunny sky above. It was obviously a public service announcement.<em>

"**Hello, world. I know what you're thinking. Why is this douchebag walking slowly towards the camera with a bright, cocky smile?"**

_The audience laughed at the very first joke._

"**Well I'm doing it because I care. With your support, making me King of the Gods could be your greatest decision in history: for the better. I make it a point to make sure that my favorited demigods and children are my **_**number one **_**priority."**

_The scene shifted to a book signing. Percy sat in a chair, wearing the same suit, and was signing the books of his fans as a grumpy Artemis stood beside him in a _very_ short, revealing silver dress. The audience laughed as they caught glimpse of the poster behind the two: PERCY JACKSON: WHY ZEUS CAN SUCK IT._

"**Oh My Gods, Percy!" two girls dressed in tight, pink tank tops squealed. "WE are like, your **_**biggest **_**fans!"**

**Percy beamed. "Yes, well, I'm glad I could inspire such young…attractive ladies such as you two," he said slowly, completely hypnotized by the Aphrodite girls' chests. His lack of respect earned him a **_**thump! **_**on the back of his head from none other than Artemis.**

**The blonde girl of the two squealed again. "Oh my Gods, you like, totally spoke to us! I found your analysis on the unfair jurisdiction of most deities of the council to be very intricate and philosophical. And likewise for your reasons as to why a fair God such as yourself should take over control of the throne for a better tomorrow."**

_The audience laughed once again at the unexpectedly intelligent response from the daughter of Aphrodite._

"**Well, being a man such as myself, you can only hope that your readers will be immersed in your ideals and philosophies on the modern day monarchy of Olympus. Also, you have an absolutely **_**breathtaking…**_**ass."**

_The audience roared again, and Annabeth sat in both shock and amusement at the extensive vocabulary her Seaweed Brain learned to speak fluently. _

**Artemis sat up at Percy's outlandish statement. "PERSEUS! Is that really necessary? I swear, sometimes I wonder if you're as respectful as I thought you were!"**

"**Yeah…and I'm wondering when you'll shut that pretty little mouth of yours and make me some dinner."**

_The audience rolled out of their seats, and the Hunters laughed when Artemis did something COMPLETELY out of character: she sat down and huffed instead of battling the sexist comment._

"**Look the point is, you don't always have to judge women by their bodies."**

"**If I judged women by their bodies, do you think we'd even be friends? That maiden bullshit would have been out the window a long time ago."**

"**RUDE."**

"**I know. I'm sorry. Just…stressed is all."**

"**I know. Want me to stay with you for the rest of the signing?" Artemis put her hand on Percy's shoulder.**

"**No…but you can make me a sandwich and wait for me in the bedroom, if you'd like."**

"**FUCK OFF."**

_The audience rolled over again as Artemis stormed off._

* * *

><p>Percy ran out to a fresh, lively crowd.<p>

"Ok, now this next sketch is one that requires no introduction, explanation, or purpose. Please enjoy the first sketch I wrote _all by myself_: _Taking Charge_."

* * *

><p><em>Percy was sitting in the Olympian throne room, this time as himself, among all the other Gods and Goddesses. They were apathetically thanking Percy for his services.<em>

"**Thank you," Zeus said reluctantly, "for your assistance, Percy. Without your help, we would…surely be dead."**

"**And god job on your strategy," Artemis, the only Goddess to be portrayed by herself, said. "That was genius."**

"**Yeah," Ares said, too soon. "Not bad for a loser like you." He cockily held out his hand to shake Percy's.**

**PAUSE.**

**Narrator – **_**Utterly furious, Perseus has two choices. He could be the mature one and disregard Ares' harsh comment. Or. He could: TAKE CHARGE.**_

_The audience laughed at the emphasis on "take charge." Typical of Jackson to use the title of the sketch uncleverly in the actual performance._

**Percy shook his head. "Man…GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING HAND OUT OF MY MOTHERFUCKING FACE." **

_The audience roared._

"**Why can't you just say thank you and shake my hand like a fucking man? You think this is funny? Want me to dress in a fucking sea-shell bikini and dance on a pole for ya? This is fucking ridiculous!"**

"**Percy, I've never heard you talk like that—"**

"**Sit your ass down! I'm not playing with you Ares, sit!—SIT YOUR ASS DOWN! PUNK BITCH!"**

_The audience was dying now as Percy violently shoved Ares back into his seat._

"**I am sick of this disrespect, bitches! You think this is a game? THIS IS LIFE BRO! I'M LIVING THIS LIKE A DOG HOUSE! BARK BARK!"**

_**Percy threw a chair across the throne room ad out the window, after which Hermes was heard yelling "OW! What the fuck?" The audience was to tears now.**_

* * *

><p>The sketch ended, and Percy ran onto stage again, to a VERY pleased crowd, as usual. But Percy had one more surprise up his sleeve.<p>

"OK," Percy said over the wave of cheers, "that was a good one, but now we have something else. Everyone loves music, right?"

"Yeah!" the audience said unanimously.

"Well, then, put your hands together for Thalia Grace and—regrettably—me, and our performance of You Make Me Feel… by Cobra Starship. And be nice, it's my first time singing."

The audience both laughed and cheered, ready to boo Thalia and Percy off the stage. Percy took off his jacket and revealed a white t-shirt and black jeans, his mike in hands. Thalia followed in blue shorts and a grey v-neck t-shirt, her mike in hands as well. Then: the beat dropped.

_La la la la la  
>La la na na na<br>La la la la la  
>La la na na na<em>

_[Percy]_

_Girl I've been all over the world  
><em>_Looking for you__  
>I'm known for taking what I think I deserve<br>and you're overdue_

_And if you listen you can hear me through the radio  
>In that bright <em>_white noise__  
>What I been missing in my life<br>What I been dreaming of  
>You'll be that girl<br>You'll be that girl  
>You'll be<em>

_[Thalia]_

_Everything you want__ so let me get up there  
>I'm the baddest <em>_baby__ in the atmosphere  
>Tell me what you want so we can do just what you like<em>

_[Chorus]_

_You make me feel that  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel so  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel that  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel so  
>La la la la la<br>You, you make me feel that_

_[Percy]_

_Get a little closer to me girl  
>And you'll understand<br>'Cause if you want a guy that knows what you need  
>Well, then I'm your man<em>

_And if I listen I can hear you through my radio  
>In that bright white noise<br>What I been missing in my life  
>What I been dreaming of<br>You'll be that girl  
>You'll be that girl<br>You'll be_

_[Thalia]  
>Everything you want so let me get up there<br>I'm the baddest baby in the atmosphere  
>Tell me what you want so we can do just what you like<em>

_Ooh  
>Everything you know I'm flipping upside down<br>Take you 'round the world  
>You know I <em>_like it loud__  
>Tell me what you want 'cause we can do just what you like<em>

_[Chorus]_

_You make me feel that  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel so  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel that  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel so  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel, oh  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel that  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel so  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel, oh  
>La la la la la<em>

_Put your __hands up__  
><em>_Put your hands__ up  
>Let the lights drop<br>Let the lights drop  
>Make my world stop<br>Make my world stop_

_La la la la la  
>La la na na na<br>You make me feel that  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel so  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel that  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel so  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel, oh  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel that  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel so  
>La la la la la<br>You make me feel that  
>La la la la la<em>

The song ended and the camp erupted in cheers. Percy and Thalia hung their arms along each other's shoulders and waved, feeling a great load to be lifted.

"Thank you guys! I wanna thank out guest, Artemis for not killing me during that sketch! I wanna thank you guys for being so great! And finally, the lovely Thalia Grace for singing with me cause I happened to be scared as shit! THANK YOU!"

Again, Percy ran backstage, but this time, Travis' grin was even BIGGER. Why? As soon as Percy ran in, Travis beamed at him.

"Dude...our ratings just broke the record for Olympus' most watched program in history. Aeolus' Weather Channel got knocked off at 10:00 last night."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Oh snap. Percy is a television star. But what lies in store for our hero in the next few chapters? Of course we all know Percy has to now cope with fame, fortune, and status as a sex symbol. Haha. But no seriously. He will. Keep reading, and remember, reviews sustain me. **_

_**- Chris**_


	5. Week Three

**V.**

**WEEK THREE**

_**SPECIAL GODLY GUEST(S): APHRODITE, ATHENA AND POSEIDON**_

* * *

><p>Percy ran on stage but he was not in his normal "happy" mood. The audience was cheering as usual, but they were also confused.<p>

"Hey guys," he said sullenly. "I know you guys are probably wondering why I'm like this. I got some…bad news."

Immediately, a daughter of Aphrodite stood up and squealed. "Oh My Gods, _Percy Jackson _is single!"

At that, all the single girls at camp stood up and started screaming in excitement.

"NO, NO, NO!" Percy yelled, containing the crowd. "I am _still _in a _very_ happy, healthy relationship with Ms. Annabeth Chase, thank you very much."

All the girls sat back down in a huff and groaned a loud, unified "awww…."

"No girls," Percy said sadly. "The bad news is…Aphrodite made a bet with my father. And, you're never gonna believe this, but she _won_, and the deal was they needed to…trade sons."

Many "oohhhhs" and "ahhhhhs" filled the air.

"So, my dad had to hang with Mitchell for a week, while I was stuck with…the Goddess of Love herself. And for some stupid reason, Nico was being a dick and filmed the whole thing. So please enjoy a sketch we like to call: _Son Swap_."

* * *

><p><em>Percy and his father Poseidon were standing outside of Aphrodite's room on Olympus. Poseidon was sporting his traditional Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts and Percy wore a simple blue t-shirt and dark jeans. After a few moments of awkward silence, Aphrodite opened the door, and when the boys saw her, their jaws dropped. She was sporting a small pink top and white short shorts, and finished it off with a pair of sunglasses.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Well, well, well. Percy Jackson and the great Poseidon, God of the Sea. Are you ready to meet your new son for the week?"<strong>

"**Bring it on, Princess," Poseidon said reluctantly. After that was said, a teenage boy of average height walked out in a white t-shirt, leather jacket, and blue jeans. He had somewhat long jet-black hair, brown eyes, and a flawless face.**

"**Mitch," Percy stated nonchalantly. **

"**Percy. Always a pleasure."**

"**OK," Poseidon interrupted. "So how does this work exactly? Any rules?"**

**Aphrodite thought for a second. "No name-calling or verbal or physical or emotional abuse."**

"**No seducing my son."**

"**Not a lot of junk food."**

"**No seducing my son."**

"**Not too rough. No contact sports."**

"**No physical contact with my son."**

"**I won't touch him! Jeez."**

"**You were looking at his crotch the entire time he stood in the doorway."**

"…**You can't prove that."**

"**People!" Percy interjected. "It's OK, Aphrodite is a great mother. And Dad, you're a great father. So no more rules."**

**With that, Poseidon put his arm around Mitch and Aphrodite pulled herself closer to Percy.**

"**So, I'll see you in a week, mom?" Mitch said, smiling.**

"**You bet pumpkin. Come on Percy, let's go nude."**

"**Aphrodite!"**

"**Sorry, force of habit!"**

* * *

><p><em>The week started off pretty simply. Mitch settled in quite nicely in Poseidon's palace.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>OK, Mitch, you sleep in this bed," Poseidon directed, pointing to a large, King-size bed with many seashell adornments. "It should fit you quite nicely. Shall we get to know each other then?"<strong>

"**Um, OK," Mitch said, setting his suitcase down next to the bed frame.**

"**First off, don't wake me up anywhere between 2:00 AM-5:00 AM."**

"**Done. I like a full breakfast."**

"**Deal. I like to spend time at Camp and prank your cabin."**

"**That could be fun. I like to sleep naked."**

"…**OK I think you won that round…"**

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, Percy was fitting in rather well with Aphrodite as well. The two were out at KFC, and Aphrodite sat down with her head in her palm and checking the time, while Percy was arguing with the cashier.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Look, I came here to see the guy on the sign outside. Where is the Colonel?"<strong>

"**Sir, he doesn't work here, he's just a symbol of our chicken."**

"**Yeah, and my foot is about to be the symbol of your balls if I don't see the General."**

* * *

><p><em>As usual, the audience was roaring with laughter at Percy's outbursts.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Sir, please, are you going to order or not?"<strong>

"**Look here mister," Percy gritted, grabbing Aphrodite and pulling her next to him. "This is my wife Oprah. If I don't see the general in the next 10 minutes, I am prepared to have sex with her on this counter and make your staff watch. So what's it gonna be?"**

"**Sir…t-that's illegal."**

"**So is everything I plan to do to her. GET ME THE GENERAL!"**

"**OK, fine. Can you give me 5 minutes sir?"**

* * *

><p><em>Minutes later, a large, hefty chef came out with white hair and a beard, and sported a striped white and red apron. He wore large white-framed glasses.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Sir, you wanted to see me?" he said in a warm, grandfatherly voice.<strong>

"**Yes. I love you."**

"**T-thank you?"**

"**You're welcome. Also, I'd like some chicken. A 12-piece please."**

"**Of course."**

* * *

><p><em>After the commotion, Percy and Aphrodite sat at KFC eating their chicken. Aphrodite then spoke up.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Please don't ever do that again," she half-whispered. "The whole restaurant was staring."<strong>

"**You think that's bad? You're not even my real mom. I DO WHAT I WANT."**

* * *

><p><em>At that, Percy violently bit into his chicken, messing up his hands and then wiped it on his shirt. The audience laughed more.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>MOMMY! I WANT KETCHUP! GET ME KETCHUP!"<strong>

"**Stop yelling, Percy!"**

"**YOU DON'T LOVE ME! I WANNA LIVE WITH DAD!"**

* * *

><p><em>The entire restaurant stared in annoyance, while the audience roared again. The scene shifted, and Percy and Aphrodite barged into her room on Olympus.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>GET ON THE BED!"<strong>

"**What?" Percy yelled, truthfully terrified. Aphrodite, him, and a bed didn't add up right in his teenage mind…**

"**YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE TODAY! I AM GOING TO SPANK YOU!"**

**Percy burst out laughing. "You're kidding right? I'm 18! You can't spank me!"**

"**Like Hades I can!" she blurted, throwing Percy over her lap and thrusting her palm on his backside. "THIS. **_Spank._** WILL. **_Spank._** TEACH. **_Spank._** YOU. **_Spank._** NOT. **_Spank._** TO. **_Spank._** MISBEHAVE. **_Spank._** IN. **_Spank._** PUBLIC!"**

* * *

><p><em>The audience was truly dying of laughter at the sight of Aphrodite spanking the Savior of Olympus. Ironically, any normal, perverted man would have been happy to be in Percy's position. But unfortunately, Percy was on the verge of tears…<em>

_Meanwhile, Mitchell and Poseidon were getting along MUCH better than the others. Together, they sat in the lounge of the movie theater, drinking sodas and looking at chicks._

* * *

><p>"<strong>What about her?"<strong>

"**Eh, I'd give her a 7 or an 8."**

"**What? Mitch, she has **_**got **_**to be at least a 9."**

"**She's 30! Go for it if you want, but I'm gonna stick to girls around my age if you don't mind."**

"**Whatever. I could get a girl your age if I wanted to."**

"**Are you…challenging me?"**

"**Maybe."**

* * *

><p><em>Immediately, Poseidon stood up confidently and strolled up to a young, 18-year-old blonde-haired girl who was quite shorter than him. He walked up to the counter.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Excuse me miss, care for a drink?"<strong>

"**Um, Thanks?"**

**Buying the drink, Poseidon continued on. "Did you know, soda was invented in the 18****th**** century, due to experimentations with the effects of mineral waters. After perfecting carbonated water, scientists used sugars and flavoring agents and eventually they led the discovery to Coca-Cola."**

**The girl stared at him. "Look, just take your fucking drink. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."**

* * *

><p><em>The audience bellowed as Poseidon stood in disbelief and rejection. <em>

_Meanwhile, Percy and Aphrodite were getting along a little better. Percy had been having "relationship problems," and the Goddess of Love was determined to help out._

* * *

><p>"<strong>So," Percy said, through tears, "she just, s-she g-got mad, and s-she said t-that I w-was b-b-being too n-n-nice to h-her!"<strong>

**Aphrodite was holding Percy in her arms as he drank hot chocolate and struggled to open his eyes. "Oh, honey, don't worry, it'll be okay. You don't need her. You know what you should do?"**

"**W-what?"**

"**You should cheat on her. Just the next girl you see, just completely **_**ravage **_**her."**

**When Percy opened his eyes, Aphrodite was staring directly at him. Then she fake-gasped.**

"**Oh my Gods, look at that, look what just happened by accident! You saw **_**me**_** first! Oh, well, I mean, if you **_**insist**_**—"**

"**STOP HITTING ON ME!"**

* * *

><p><em>The audience laughed as usual. The scene switched to a psychiatric firm, where Poseidon and Percy sat in two chairs opposite a male shrink, while Aphrodite and Mitchell sat across from them.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>So, would you say that there's progress?" the therapist asked calmly. Percy fidgeted.<strong>

"**Well," Percy said slowly. "I guess…I mean, I **_**have **_**been getting along with Aphrodite more. She's wonderful as a mother, but, she has some faults."**

"**Gasp! How dare you!" she squealed.**

"**Ms. Aphrodite, please," the therapist urged. "Calm down, let him speak."**

"**Thank you. I mean, she's great, obviously. But she can get a little too friendly sometimes."**

"**How do you mean?"**

"**She…she touched me in my sleep…"**

"**OH COME ON YOU LIKED IT!"**

"**OH GODS…NO! IT WAS TERRIBLE! I'VE NEVER FELT SO…**_**DIRTY**_**!"**

* * *

><p><em>The audience roared at Percy's unmanly breakdown of tears.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>You are such a baby! So what if I touched you? You obviously won't accept my advances no matter what I do! Are you gay or something?"<strong>

"**YOU SEE? THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! BECAUSE I WON'T…**_**FUCK**_** HER, SHE CALLS ME A HOMO!"**

"**What about me **_**don't **_**you like?"**

"**You are too self-centered and crazy! You're always hitting on me and drooling over me and I don't like it! LEAVE ME BE FOR ONCE!"**

"**SELF-CENTERED? **_**CRAZY**_**? OH HELLL NOOOOO!"**

* * *

><p>[Warning: This scene was cut from the original take due to Aphrodite going ape-shit on Percy. She had beaten him with a hammer. Percy Jackson was hammered in the ass so much…that he was hospitalized for being hammered in the ass. Thank you, while we continue on with Mitchell and Poseidon.]<p>

* * *

><p>"<strong>So, how about you, Mitchell?"<strong>

"**Fantastic, sir. Poseidon's great. He's like the father I always wanted!"**

"**Oh, you scamp! Come here!"**

* * *

><p><em>The sketch ended, and Percy ran onstage to an avalanche of cheers. Smiling his signature smile, he waved to the crowd to silence them.<em>

"So, that's pretty much it for that," he stated warmly. "But now, I'd like to take time to do something new. Please, ladies and gentlemen, welcome the Goddess of Wisdom, Athena."

_Athena strolled on stage. She was wearing her hair down, and sported a white blouse and slim jeans. In other words, not malicious and out for blood. The two sat down opposite each other and smiled._

{**Bold** is Athena, Regular is Percy}

"So. Obviously we all know why you're here."

"**No, Perseus. I actually don't."**

"Ah. Well you're here to interview me about my fame."

"**What fame?"**

"Hello? Television star? Savior of Olympus? Son of Poseidon? Sexy bitch?"

_The audience laughed at Percy's narcissism._

"**Um…OK. So how is your fame working for you?"**

"Great. It's perfect. I love all my fans."

"**Are you content with your position or do you crave more?"**

"I am content. Mostly…I mean, having more is unnecessary, because too much fame and power could consume me. And I consider myself a good person."

"**Apparently you're a sex symbol. How do you feel about that?"**

"Well, heh…it's flattering I guess. I mean, I guess that all depends on who I'm a sex symbol to."

"**Mostly girls at camp. Maybe Aphrodite."**

"Well I'm thrilled."

"**Rumors say you're gay. Is this true?"**

"No. I have gay friends, but I'm not gay myself."

"**You do know, your show is up for multiple Olympies."**

"Pardon…an Olympie?"

"**Yes. A immortal version of an Emmy."**

"Lovely! What for?"

"**For like, best show ever made."**

"Really? Wow…I just got a geek-boner."

"**Pardon?"**

"Nothing. That's it folks! Join us next week for another episode of Stolls' Show!"

_The crowd erupted in applause as Percy took Athena's hand and kissed it like a true southern gentleman, and then ran off stage with her. Travis was standing in front of the crew with his eyes wide._

"Dude…will you sign my face?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Yep. Told you. I added an interview for fun. I know this episode only had one sketch, but hopefully it was a good one! READ. REVIEW. You know the works. NOMNOM OUT!**_

– _**Chris**_


	6. Week Four

**VI.**

**WEEK FOUR**

_**SPECIAL GODLY GUEST(S): HESTIA, HADES, AND THE HUNTERS OF ARTEMIS.**_

* * *

><p>Percy walked on stage looking groggy and in pajamas. The audience, as usual, laughed at his appearance. He yawned, burped, scratched his crotch, and ran a hand through his untidy, greasy "bed-head."<p>

"What's up guys," he said tiredly. "Welcome to another e-episode of…um…you know what? Fuck it. We don't need an introduction. You dumbasses already know where you are."

The audience laughed and cheered.

"Look, sorry about the appearance. I've been just really stressed with my new job. I jump back and forth between being a therapist for Hestia and Hades."

The audience began to chuckle softly.

"Damn, you people already know there's a sketch coming, huh?" he asked, to a roar of cheers.

"OK, well, yes, someone decided to film it for their own records. So, here it is: _Dr. Jackson_."

* * *

><p><em>Percy sat in an informal dress shirt and coat, complete with plaid pants and loafers. He was holding a clipboard and sat across from Hades.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>So," he said slowly. "You're here…why?"<strong>

"**I need help, Jackson."**

"**OK, having family troubles?"**

"**Yes, I don't think they like me very much."**

"**And what makes you think that?"**

"**The call me Death-Breath and make mean pictures of me and put them on the refrigerator."**

"**Those rat bastards."**

"**I KNOW!" Hades sobbed. "Oh, nephew, what should I do?"**

"**Well, maybe we could try communication techniques. For example, let's say—oops, time's up, Uncle Hades."**

"**But, I've only been here for 10 minutes—"**

"**Maybe if **_**I **_**was the God of Wealth, I could afford that! NOW GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"**

* * *

><p><em>The audience laughed as the sissy God of the Underworld ran out of the room in tears. The scene switched to Percy sitting across from Hestia.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>So, I presume you're also here for familial problems, am I correct?"<strong>

"**I already know about my family's problems."**

"**Any luck solving those, or using different forms of communication to help them?"**

"**Of course."**

"**Like what? Have you tried, let's say, telling them truthfully how you feel when they fight?"**

"**Yes. They do not care."**

"**OK, what about finding alternative outlets for anger management, for instance, say with Ares?"**

"**Yes. I gave him a pillow. He ripped and burned it within the hour."**

"**Ma'am, is there anything you haven't tried?"**

"**No. I have tried it all."**

"**Then why the fuck are you here right now?"**

"**I was hoping you could tell me something that I did not previously know."**

"**Well, it looks like I can't."**

"**Oh, I see. Should I just leave then?"**

"**I think so. As a matter of fact, just…don't bother with next week's appointment. If anything new happens in, oh, let's say…a thousand years, **_**please**_** feel free to share it with me."**

* * *

><p><em>The audience laughed once more. The sketch had ended and the audience found Percy literally sleeping on the stage floor. Travis and Connor Stoll ran outside, to a roar of cheers.<em>

"Um, so," Travis searched for words, "it looks like Percy is out cold. So, um, we have another sketch if you all would like to see it."

The audience erupted in cheers and whistles.

"Um, usually Percy gives the introduction, but seeing as he's drooling on the floor, I guess we'll do it."

Connor cleared his throat.

"So, we all know the Hunters of Artemis are maidens who fight evil, boys, and periods."

Mostly guys laughed at the joke, but the majority of the females simply smirked.

"Well, we actually dared Percy to try and join…and they let him in. And chaos ensued. Please enjoy the sketch, tentatively titled: _Percy Jackson, Hunter of Artemis_."

* * *

><p><em>Percy stood in front of Thalia and a few other Hunters. He had a hopeful look on his face and Thalia looked at him in shock.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Kelp Head, you can't be a Hunter of Artemis."<strong>

"**But I'd be so good at it! Give me a chance! Please?"**

"**Only maidens. **_**Women**_**, Percy."**

"**What if I had a vagina?"**

"**Well, technically, I guess that would be an exception—"**

"**Hannah, got a pair of scissors?"**

"**PERCY!"**

* * *

><p><em>The audience roared in laughter. The scene shifted to Percy in a silver jacket and silver pants, sporting a silver baseball cap instead of a tiara. He was practicing archery.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Hey Perce," Thalia said. "How are you doing at this?"<strong>

"**Pretty good. I hit the red part 10 times now."**

"**Percy…that's the outermost level. That's terrible."**

"**At least I hit it. It was better than my last 15 tries, because I didn't even hit the thing then. I hit another Hunter."**

"**Oh my Gods! Is she OK?"**

"**No, I think she's dead. Her skin was cold and she smelled like shit. So I left her there."**

* * *

><p><em>The audience laughed again at Percy's nonchalant attitude. The final scene switched to large tent with Thalia and a bunch of other Hunters. They were all eyeing Percy murderously as he walked in with a coke in one hand and scratching his ass with the other.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>What's up, guys?" Percy said huskily, sipping his coke.<strong>

"**Percy, we need to talk," Thalia growled. "AND I MEAN NOW."**

"**Shoot, bromosexual."**

"**First off, you are a **_**terrible**_** hunter. Why we even considered you is beyond my comprehension."**

"**Hey, that's not fair! I did things! I shot a boar earlier."**

"**Yes, but it survived and destroyed our last camp."**

"**What about that boy who showed up? We all turned him into a jackalope, just like Artemis showed us."**

"**Yes, but then you changed him back 10 minutes later so you two could go out and drink and pick up 'Eskimos.'"**

"**Heh…yeah. Your point?"**

"**My point IS, you're just slowing us down and I'm afraid we have to let you go."**

"**Wait, hold on for just one second! You seriously want to kick me out?"**

"**Did you even realize the implications of your actions?"**

"**What does implication mean?"**

"**GET OUT!"**

* * *

><p><em>Percy ran out of the tent like a little girl, earning a wave of laughter from the audience. The cheers woke Percy up from his slumber and he awkwardly stood on stage.<em>

* * *

><p>"So, you guys liked it?" Percy asked tiredly. The audience yelled "yeah!" and cheered.<p>

"OK, well, I just wanna let you know that due to offensive material, we're being canceled. This makes out series finale next week."

The audience groaned.

"But on the bright side, our show is being nominated for the following awards: _Olympic Award for Best Comedic Performance_, _Olympic Award for best Screenplay_, _Olympic Award for Best Sound Editing_, _Olympic Award for Best Ensemble Cast_, and finally, a nomination for me alone, _Olympic Icon Award for Outstanding Performance That Is Better than All Others_."

The audience flooded the Amphitheater with cheers, but when it died down, Percy inhaled and burped just as loud. The audience stared in awe.

"Sorry. Chicken Fries. Ima go now."

Percy ran backstage away from the cheers. Surprisingly, Travis and Connor stood there waiting for him, but they were naked.

"Um, funding went down, so they took our clothes. Everyone in the cast and crew are now in a state of undress."

Percy raised an eyebrow, and said, "Whatever bro, I gotta go pee."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: I'm thinking an all-naked chapter is on its way. Nah, just kidding. Unless you'd like that. You weirdies. The "Final Episode" is up next, and then…**_

_**..Wait for it…**_

_**THE OLYMPIES!**_

_**I'm excited too. I don't know if I should go in my purple dress shirt or just naked like Percy and his friends. Guess we'll all just have to wait and see.**_

— _**Chris**_


	7. Week Five

**VII. **

**WEEK FIVE**

_**SPECIAL GODLY GUEST(S): ARES AND THE OLYMPIAN COUNCIL**_

* * *

><p>Percy ran on stage confidently, wearing a simple blue t-shirt, black jeans, and a green-striped fedora. He had a happy bounce in his step, the kind he used when he heard good news.<p>

"HEY EVERYONE! GUESS WHAT?" he yelled, his famous lop-sided grin playing across his face.

"_WHAT!__" _the audience yelled in unison.

"I MADE A BET WITH HEPHAESTUS! Apparently he did not believe we could pass the 'One million viewers mark.' Guess what? Our last recorded viewer amount: _2.29__Million_!"

The audience stood up and cheered.

"But wait," Percy said, still smiling, "there's more! As a result of me winning the bet, _Stolls__' __Show_is no longer cancelled!"

The audience cheered louder than they ever had before.

"So now, we have a treat for you! As a celebration of our renewal, we have some brand new sketches for you! Please allow me to introduce our first one: _A__ Week __on __Olympus_!"

* * *

><p><em>Percy breathed on the camera lens, and smiled.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Hey guys, Percy Jackson here. The cast and crew decided that it would be a fun little ride to film the Gods for an entire week and see what they do in their free time. And since <em>I<em> was the only one who was _brave_ enough to do it, here we are."**

* * *

><p><em>Percy turned the camera forward and walked directly into the throne room of Olympus. Zeus sat silent, anger fuming from his forehead. The Gods were arguing yet again. Then, they spotted Percy.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>What are you doing here, Sea Spawn?" Athena yelled.<strong>

"**Filming you guys for a week for my show."**

"**I thought we canceled that piece of shit sketch comedy!" Hades bellowed.**

"**No, apparently it's too popular and it can't die. SO just…you know, go about your business."**

* * *

><p><em>Zeus sat in confusion. A blank expression plagued his face. The Gods simply shrugged and continued with their debating.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Anyways, so what are we going to do then?" he asked the Gods.<strong>

"**I say we shut down Camp." Hephaestus said.**

"**Like hell you will!" Apollo shouted from across the room. "Our children _need _that place!"**

* * *

><p><em>Out of nowhere, the Gods heard a slow, crunching noise.<em>

_CRUNCH. CRUNCH…_

* * *

><p>"<strong>Percy is that you?" Poseidon asked.<strong>

**A very guilty Percy stood silent, chewing his granola bar ever so slowly.**

"**Keep going you guys, this is great stuff!" he yelled with a full mouth.**

* * *

><p><em>Hermes was sitting in his room, listening to music. Percy walked in and started filming him randomly.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Um, can I help you?" Hermes asked in a confused tone.<strong>

"**Just go about your business."**

**Percy got closer and closer until the camera was in Hermes' face.**

"**Percy?" he asked carefully. "What are you doing?"**

"**You have beautiful eyes."**

* * *

><p><em>Aphrodite was walking to her room when Percy started to follow her unexpectedly<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Can I help you, Perseus?" she asked, dismissing Percy's awkward filming technique.<strong>

"**Just do everything you normally do," he assured. He followed her into her room, where she sat down in front of her massive wall mirror and touched up her make-up. **

**She had done this for almost half-an-hour. **

"**Do you do anything…else?" Percy asked, yawning from boredom.**

"…**I have sex with a lot of guys," Aphrodite responded almost immediately. **

"**I don't really want to film that…"**

"**Well, I also visit my children, keep in check with my son Eros, go on dates with Ares, hang out with Athena and Artemis, and a lot of other—Percy? Percy, are you listening?"**

**He was not. The only thing Percy was filming was Aphrodite's chest.**

"**Are you _honestly_ filming my boobs right now?"**

"**What?" Percy said, returning from his daydreaming. "Oh sorry…I was just…boobies…"**

* * *

><p>Percy ran on stage to a mixture of laughter and cheers.<p>

"Thank you! Thanks…so apparently one of people's biggest issues with the show, is that they think I am being too raunchy, by objectifying women and whatnot. Well…sorry. Honestly though, I we all know I love women. You want to know the first thing I notice when I see how beautiful a woman is. Her boobies…there, I said it."

The audience, though mostly men, laughed.

"Seriously, when did complimenting a nice pair of boobs become sexual harassment? If I'm walking behind a girl and she has a nice ass, I should be able to say 'hey, nice ass.'"

This time, the men in the audience stood up and cheered. The women just simply rolled their eyes.

"Well we have a sketch that does something a little bit like that. Take a look."

* * *

><p><em>Drew was walking out of the Aphrodite Cabin, to the Dining Pavilion. Suddenly, Percy and a few camera operators came out of nowhere and spanked her bottom…HARD.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>OW! WHAT THE HELL, JACKSON?" Drew cried out, massaging the red mark on her rear.<strong>

"**Ha! You have just been _'__Whacked__'_. It's my new addition to _Stolls__' __Show_."**

"**_That__'__s _your idea? You just go around and spank people randomly?"**

"**Well, yeah. It's funny. You should have seen your face. Bye."**

* * *

><p><em>Percy walked off like nothing happened. Minutes later, Will Solace was walking off back to his cabin to pick up his bow for archery practice, when Percy jumped from behind a push and spanked him too.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Dude! What the hell, man?" Will yelled, clenching his buttock and hissing in pain.<strong>

"**You've just been _'__Whacked__'_!"**

"**Seriously, you need a new hobby!"**

* * *

><p><em>Walking off yet again, Percy caught Chiron in the Big House chatting with Mr. D. hiding behind a vending machine outside of the building, Percy rushed in and spanked Chiron right on his horse's ass.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>OY! Perseus! What is the meaning of this?"<strong>

"**You've just been _'__Whacked__'_!" Percy said, grinning.**

**Chiron rubbed his behind and looked at Percy with a disapproving look. Percy gulped.**

"**Washing the dishes for a week, boy. You know the drill."**

* * *

><p>Percy walked onto stage. The audience cheered even louder than before.<p>

"Yeah I know, I'm terrible," Percy laughed, still playing that grin he had from before. Before he could say anything, the God of War himself, Ares, walked onto the stage, earning a gasp from the audience, then cheers.

"Hey Punk," he said. "Remember?"

Percy stared, and then his expression lightened.

"Oh yeah, hey everyone, who wants to hear a rap battle between Ares and I?"

The audience roared with cheers and whistles.

Percy put back on his fedora, and Travis threw him and Ares a microphone from backstage.

"You wanna go first?" Percy asked, smirking.

"Why not."

Then, the beat dropped.

* * *

><p>[Ares]<p>

_Yo, ever since that day on the beach you think you're all that, _

_But you ain't shit, punk, you ain't even a piece of crap._

_I'm the master of combat and I'll wipe the floor with your face,_

_I'm the king at this stuff and you're just a waste of space. _

_So what's the best you can do? Splash me with water?_

_I'm the God of all Warfare and my rhymes are always hotter._

_They say you're the chosen one ever since you were of age_

_Well I'm here to take what's mine so get the fuck off of the stage._

[Percy]

_Now Ima try to be modest but it's just not working_

_I'm all the shit and your rhymes need a little tweaking._

_I beat you once, PUNK, and I'll do it all again_

_I may waste some space but you're just a fat hen._

_I don't just splash water, I spit hot rhymes too,_

_You're just a shrew with some dues hoping to have romantic interlude,_

_with some dudes and three bottles of lube in a tube with a Jew named Drew,_

_while he tugs on your cap screw—Oops! Think I went too far with that insult?_

_Better run home to mommy or go find some other adult._

[Ares]

_Oh so we're doing gay jokes, now, huh? I thought you were better,_

_But I guess I was wrong, all you can do is make Nico wetter._

_If a fight is what you want, then I'll hit you with full force,_

_If I'm a fat hen then I'll sit on your face without any remorse._

_You're a good rhymer but I'm just simply better than you,_

_I can do all that too and have you wild like a zoo, _

_until you sue me for being so damn cool. Is that not enough for you?_

_Well a cow goes moo and a player has girls to woo,_

_And Jackson, I think that was your cue, to get off of that mike_

_Before that crowd starts to boo. _

[Percy]

_I'll admit, you have a pretty decent flow, _

_But if they were behind a curtain no one would want you to show. _

_They're shorter than a line of kids at Casey Anthony's place,_

_And not to mention weak like an Aphrodite kid's face._

_I'm sorry for that blow, some people say I go hard,_

_If that's so I'd suggest wearing a mask and a shin guard._

_Cause I'm coming down hard like a tsunami in Japan,_

_And if you want a sneak peak let me give you the game plan._

_Ares is gonna leave and I'm gonna achieve,_

_While I weave a web of reprieve so all of you can perceive,_

_When I relieve this fake rapper of his naïve little heap,_

_Of whining and crying and I'm just not having it,_

_So Ares, just admit defeat, make like a banana and split._

* * *

><p>"So…who won?" Percy asked with a smile.<p>

"_Percy! __Percy!__ Percy!_" the audience chanted, whilst all the cheers and whistles.

Ares just grunted and dropped his microphone, and stormed off stage. Percy smirked and threw his fedora at the back of Ares' head, making the God growl.

"Alright, that's it for this week! Remember to vote for us in the Olympies this weekend! And get ready for season two of _Stolls__' __Show_! Good night!"

Percy ran backstage and everything was wrapping up nicely, until Travis stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Since when…can you _rap_?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Sorry for the long wait people. Hopefully that was a well-done chapter for you all. I should be updating much sooner than this time, I promise. Read and Review!**_

– _**Chris**_


	8. Season Two  Ep One

**Season Two – Ep. One**

"**The Big Three Kids are Sexually Forward"**

* * *

><p>Percy sat at a desk filing papers, and had just finished teaching a class of the sexuality of the Greek Gods. Only a couple seconds in, his girlfriend Annabeth Chase walked in, wearing a <em>very <em>revealing schoolgirl outfit.

"Hey Percy, would you mind—?"

"DAAAYYYYUUUUMMM. Is it my birthday?" our inconsiderate hero yelled.

"Yeah, very funny, now seriously, I cannot for the life of me get this zipper up—"

"It's all good babe, I prefer you with it down."

"Yeah, not funny Percy, now seriously—"

"Can I bounce a quarter on your ass?"

"…"

* * *

><p><em>MEANWHILE…<em>

Jason Grace was sitting on a bench, waiting for his girlfriend Piper to come back from her cabin.

"Hey, Sparky," she said normally, plopping a seat down next to him. He would have responded, but his eyes were unfortunately glued to Ms. McLean's chest.

"I must say, Pipes…you have absolutely breathtaking sweater puppies."

"Uhm…excuse me?"

"I mean, Drew is good, but you…wow. Those things are too big for my hand."

"Yeah, that's a bit inappropriate, Jason…"

"If I guess the size can I touch one?"

"…"

* * *

><p><em>IN OTHER NEWS…<em>

"Nico, please leave me alone."

"I lost my number, can I have yours?"

"You have my number genius?"

"I'll tell you what I don't have. Your lovely rear."

"Are you looking to get smitten by my father?"

"Don't you mean my father-in-law? Future Grandpa? Because mama, we could make a baby."

"You have ten seconds."

"That is five more than I'll need with you."

"…"

* * *

><p><em>SIMUTANEOUSLY…<em>

"Boys, some people have been complaining," Chiron scolded. Percy, Jason, and Nico had no idea what was going on.

"About what sir?" Percy questioned.

"The girls at camp believe you three are being a bit too friendly…borderline sexual harassment. This is a serious charge."

"So is a lightning bolt to the crotch but I don't complain."

"…"

"Sir, we are only being intimate with our girlfriends…and then there's Nico. But that's not the point." Jason pointed out.

"Regardless, I am afraid you must be sent to a correction camp."

"What is this, World War Two?"

"That's a _concentration camp_, Percy."

"You're telling that to the guy who has ADHD."

* * *

><p><em>FOUR WEEKS LATER…<em>

"So the boys are coming back today, then?" Mr. D asked.

"Yes, and they should be good by now."

Suddenly, Artemis and her Hunters pulled up and dropped off three young men from her chariot: Percy Jackson, Nico Di Angelo, and Jason Grace.

"Boys! How was your stay?" Chiron asked warmly.

"Fuck men. I have decided to become a lesbian." Percy blurted.

The whole camp simply stared in awe.

"Percy, that doesn't work…you're a guy."

"Not after this!" he yelled triumphantly, holding up a pink vile. "THIS is an elixir from Aphrodite that will turn me into a beautiful girl, after which I will continue my lesbian ways."

* * *

><p><em>AFTER PERCY DRINKS THE PINK SHIT AND BECOMES A WOMAN…<em>

"Percy, open the door! For Hermes' sake!" Travis Stoll yelled as his brother Conner assisted him in getting the son of Poseidon out of his cabin. However, what emerged from behind the closed door was not so much a son…as it was a daughter.

"Per-! Whoa—er, Percy, is that you?" Connor stuttered.

What stood before the two brothers was a _female _Percy Jackson, with dimples, almond shaped sea green eyes, long, flowing black hair, and killer curves. All she sported was a tight V-neck t-shirt and short shorts.

"Yes?" Percy said, in a very sultry, unusually _high_ and effeminate voice.

"Whoa…you didn't tell anyone that the elixir would turn you into a big fat boner."

"Excuse me?" Percy said dangerously. His voice went from sultry to murderous in a matter of seconds.

"Hey bro, all I'm saying is, if I didn't know that my boy was somewhere deep down beneath those—er, _new additions_, I'd totally bang you. Like, man-on-a-mission bang. Apollo 18…the Titanic, bromosexual."

Travis and Connor wound up with two black eyes each that day.

Percy was practicing swordsmanship by him—oh yeah, _herself_, when a flash of light shone and Apollo appeared in front of—_her._ I should get used to that.

"Hey, what up, DJ PJ—um, and who are you, miss lady?"

"Apollo…its Percy."

"Elixir?"

"Yep."

"Hmm."

"Uh-huh."

Apollo studied Percy's body for a long time, drinking in everything he saw. "I like the new you, babe, I like it a lot."

"Dude! That is weird! Didn't you get the memo? I'm lesbian now."

"Really? Come with me then, _Percelina_."

* * *

><p><em>APPROXIMATELY TWO WEEKS LATER…<em>

Apollo arrived at Camp Half-Blood for the 14th time that week, having dropped off Percy Jackson each time. But alas, our hero sported a _delicious_ female figure for only 13 days. When he returned at the end of two weeks, he reverted to his normal male self.

Chiron trotted up to Apollo, with a smile on his face. "Lord Apollo! How were the classes? Successful, I see!"

"Very," Apollo said, patting Percy on the back as he downed his third Coke for the day.

"How'd you manage to reverse the effects?"

"Simple. A weeks' worth of contact football and burping contests. Then, I swapped out two hours of reading Playboy and/or Victoria's Secret, and X-Box. And then in the final days I had him off the salad and onto the subs, spitting out that ice tea and downing every soda he can find."

"Impressive. So we have Percy back then?"

Before Apollo could answer, of all people to walk by, Annabeth strutted past the three and onto the Dining Pavilion for lunch. Percy's face lit up mischievously.

"Later homos, I'm gonna go take a Louis-leaky and then ask Ms. Chase for some extra credit. Peace."

"Yes," Chiron sighted, seeing a repeat of six weeks ago in the midst. "I'm afraid our hero has returned."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Just trying something new. I skipped the Olympies and started Season Two immediately, during which the show has transferred into a sitcom instead. Read & Review, tell me what you all might want to see in future episodes, perhaps?**_

– _**Chris**_


	9. Season Two Ep Two

**Season Two – Ep. Two**

"**Percy the Genius Gets Artemis Drunk"**

* * *

><p>"For the last time, Percy, I will <em>not<em> go to that party," Artemis growled. For the fifth time that week, Percy Jackson has been attempting to get Artemis to go to a party held by him and Apollo. After much pestering, she was only one more annoying paragraph of dialogue away from agreeing.

"Artemis, come on, this is my last line of dialogue I have to convince you to go to my party! PUH-LEAAAASSSSEEEEEE?"

"Your last line of what?"

"Great. Just great. I hope you realize that the five words you just uttered cost Hephaestus TV 10,000 drachmas."

"Fine Percy, I'll go to your stupid party. I _better_ have fun."

"Seriously? You couldn't have said that shit one line ago. I now owe Olympus my entire paycheck. OH WAIT A MINUTE. _NO ONE_ GETS PAID FOR THIS CRAP."

Percy turned to the camera and broke the fourth wall.

"F*CKING PAY ME!"

* * *

><p>On the night of the party, Percy was eagerly awaiting the arrival of his guest. Before he could get up to go searching for her, Apollo appeared to Percy with a not-so-happy look on his face.<p>

"Bro, I need a favor."

"Yeah, man?"

"Could you maybe…_not_ serve any alcohol to my sister? She has a bad history of acting pretty wild when she's hammered."

"Uhm, OK, yeah."

Little did he know that it was out of his hands.

* * *

><p>"Artemis!" Percy greeted warmly. She was wearing a classy silver dress that was perfect for the occasion. "What a pleasant surprise!"<p>

"You invited me, smart one."

"Just call me Percy the Genius!"

"Why would I call you that?"

"Because the episode doesn't work out if you don't call—you know what, nevermind."

"Anyway, I'm a little thirsty, would you mind getting me a drink?"

Percy immediately remembered his friend's warning. Quickly, he tried to generate an intelligent, witty, but also nonsensical response that offered no reasonable explanation as to why the Goddess of Virginity should stay away from alcohol. Oh yeah, that's it. Now we remember.

"OK, sure," Percy began, "we have carrot juice."

"But I don't want carrot juice…"

"Then you will have _nothing_, my dear virgin."

* * *

><p>Only two hours passed and Artemis was already running around pants-less with a Lampshade on her head. Percy desperately tried to chase after her, but it was no use.<p>

"Dammit, Nico, who spiked the carrot juice?" Percy yelled as he chased after the Goddess. After a few more minutes of running, Percy finally got a hold on her. But this was not before a very fumed God of the Sun appeared with a death wish for the Son of Poseidon.

"I ask you to do ONE thing, and you f*ck it up. Why Percy."

"I didn't know, I swear!" Percy pleaded, holding a very ditzy Artemis smiling in his arms. She burped very rudely and then giggled.

"Hey bro!" she whispered, even though both men could hear her clearly. "Don't tell Percy, but I think he's gonna get lucky tonight!"

"Arty, buddy, just let me take you back home and everything—"

"Apollo, I think he really likes me! I think he wants to do it!" she continued to whisper, gyrating her body back and forth to signify intercourse. Percy just stared at her and then at the camera.

"Damn. I f*cked up," he told the audience.

Artemis turned to face Percy, but then lurched forward and vomited her drink. It was indeed carrot juice that she had consumed. She looked back up at the young demigod with a pained look, and then started to laugh.

"Hey, hey Percy, we—we should, um, go upstairs, because there's—there's something I wanna—something I wanna show you…"

"Artemis, as sweet as that forbidden fruit may taste, the episode only allows 5 more seconds," Percy stated, turning back to the camera once more. "Goodnight folks!" He then propped up Artemis, who burped again and then waved.

"Mazel tov!" the Goddess exclaimed, before regurgitating once more and finally passing out.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: No comment. Just…no comment. I don't mean to sound narcissistic but even I laughed at this a bit while writing it. Again, I will try to update again soon! Read and review please!**_

– _**Chris**_


	10. Season Two Ep Three

**Season Two – Ep. Three**

"**Besting the Best"**

* * *

><p>"There is NO way you'll be able to do that, and I don't care whether it's real or if this is just a TV episode," Hazel Levesque warned Percy Jackson on his intended plans.<p>

"Do you know how much credit I'd get if I did though? They may be the best but they can be topped!" Percy countered.

"If you _honestly_ believe you can outsmart Athena and out-hunt Artemis, you have another thing coming."

"I know I have another thing coming. It'll be in the mail soon."

"See? _That_ joke is why you have fewer viewers than _last_ week."

"Hey, if it's one thing I know how to do, it's kill a joke. If killing it was a sport then call me serial."

"Seriously. Why did they put you on television?"

* * *

><p>"You think you can outsmart me? Hah! I pity your wishful thinking, Jackson," Athena spat as Percy stood tall with a smug expression.<p>

"Tell you what, if I can outsmart you, then…you have to pay for my next date with Annabeth, no matter how expensive."

"Bring it on."

* * *

><p>Nico and Ares stood silent, twiddling their thumbs. Nico looked up.<p>

"Um, I didn't really get any instructions for the cutaway…not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing right now…Percy, can you please take over again?"

_Chach._ Percy's voice scoffed over the microphone.

* * *

><p>"OK, if you eat this apple, onion, and potato with your nose plugged, they will all taste the same," Percy dared Athena. The Goddess of Wisdom scoffed once more.<p>

"As if," she countered, taking a bite of all three objects. To her bafflement, Percy was correct. They all tasted the same.

"Preposterous! How did you know that was true?"

"Wikipedia."

"Figures."

"Now did you know that if you say 'gullible' really slowly, it sounds like 'oranges'?"

"No way…guuu-uu-ll-ii-bb-llleee. No it—oh shit."

"I'll have your cash by this Saturday, dumbass."

* * *

><p>"HA! You think you can beat<em> me<em>. I'm the Goddess of the Hunt, boy! You cannot beat me at archery."

"If I do, then I get to make out with any one of your Hunters," Percy said nonchalantly.

"Absolutely not! Pick something else."

"I guess you're just afraid."

"No! As if…I would never be threatened by _you_."

"No, no, I get it. However, imagine, you're just saying no because you'll be beaten by a _boy_. As in _male_. As in, _I have an impressively large penis_."

* * *

><p>Jason Grace and Leo Valdez sat awkwardly on a dark stage, the camera focusing on their faces. Leo coughed. Jason grimaced.<p>

"Yeah, sorry folks, it looks like Percy has a habit of _cutting to other people without warning them or saying shit_."

_If I don't hear _you_ say some shit in the next few seconds, you'll be off this show!_

"MAN, SUCK MY CHESTNUTS!"

"OK, let's just get back to Percy Jackasss—er, Jackson, ok?" Leo interjected.

* * *

><p>Artemis watched as Percy fired a single arrow directly at the bulls-eye, making it perfectly. He simply smirked and backed away, allowing Artemis to take the floor.<p>

As the Goddess prepared to fire, Percy felt a violent sneeze rise within him. Just as Artemis took her shot, Percy freed the beast. _"AAHHHH-CHOOOOOOO!" _he roared. Artemis was so thrown-off; she missed the bulls-eye and landed in the second level.

"WHHHHATTTTTTT?" the Goddess screamed, loud enough for the entirety of Olympus to hear. "THERE IS NO WAY. I DEMAND A REMATCH. YOU DISTRACTED ME!"

"No! You distracted me too but I still made it!"

"How on _Olympus_ did I distract _you_?"

"With…dat ass."

Artemis was a second away from eyeing down a freshly turned jackalope. "You know what?" she said calmly. "Fine. I'll bring you one of the hottest, best Hunters we have."

* * *

><p>Artemis walked out moments later with Thalia in tow. Percy almost barfed.<p>

"You brought me—my _cousin_? No! That wasn't part of the deal."

"She's your prize, Perseus. DO it. _Make out _with your prize," Artemis taunted. Thalia just looked back and forth between the two, frightened of the outcome.

"Lady Artemis," Thalia spoke up, "I can't do this. He's my cousin, my close friend."

"If you _don't kiss _him, I'm kicking you out of the Hunters."

_Ironyyyyyy._

Thalia was shoved in front of Percy, awkwardly feeling his breath on her face. She'd never admit it, but it smelt great. Percy leaned in, scared to death, and quickly pecked her.

"Percy, you're supposed to use—you, know—your tongue?"

Percy awkwardly stuck out his appendage and licked Thalia's front teeth, when Connor and Travis Stoll walked out and chortled loudly, and audience laughing in tow.

"OH MY GODS THIS IS PERFECT!" Connor laughed. "AND WE HAVE EVERY LAST SECOND ON TAPE! STOLLS' SHOW IS GOING TO SKY-ROCKET NOW!"

"Wait," Percy said slowly. "You mean you two planned this?"

"Two words, bromosexual: Perlia-Shippers. Ratings will increase by approximately 20.2%. Do you know how much that is? Almost an extra 200,000 viewers!"

Travis and Jason closed the camera in on a _very_ embarrassed Percy Jackson and Thalia Grace.

"Percy, would you please deliver this episode's final joke?" Jason egged on behind Travis.

Percy froze, unable to say anything but the first thing that came to mind.

"Cock n' balls."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: I definitely improvised that last line. Any ideas for new episodes? Feel free to share! I'm not afraid to get raunchy, so long as Zeus doesn't come down to strike me with his almighty lightning. Read and Review please! **_

– _**Chris**_


	11. Season Two Ep Four

**Season Two – Ep. Four**

"**BigThreeTV: Why I Hate Valentine's Day"**

* * *

><p>"Today, we'd like to talk to you about something a bit more serious," Percy said into the camera, immediately breaking the fourth wall. "Something that should have never been conjured up by the female population."<p>

The camera focused on Frank Zhang. "Wing-women."

"The single worst invention of womankind since yogurt and emotions. Not necessarily in that order…"

Percy took a tantalizingly slow slurp of Trix yogurt like the hypocrite he was.

"'So what exactly _is_ a wing-woman?' you may ask," Percy lectured. "It's a creation of the Goddess of Love. Except, wing-women have the tendency to be _fucking_ horrible at their job. And their day to strike? _Valentine's Day._"

"Let me just start off this topic by saying that all of us in this room _hate_ Valentine's day and if it wouldn't mind, it can go suck on some eggs," Jason growled. He then drank some carrot juice out of a sippy-cup.

"Um, dude, isn't that the carrot juice that Artemis got drunk on?"

"Oh shit…I'll be back!" Jason said before retching in a nearby bathroom.

Percy took the floor. "OK, let's just start from the beginning. Since the dawn of time, men and women have been unable to understand one another. When the cave dwellers were around, and paired off, it wasn't easy. Therefore, some people would use what eventually became known as 'wing-men.' These men were charged with helping their friends score with women. Eventually, women became more independent and decided it was fair that they have 'wing-women.' BIT MISTAKE."

Frank Zhang stood and took over. "Reasons why wing-women shouldn't exist? Unfortunately, men don't like women who don't have balls. And by that, I'm not implying that men like girls with dicks, I'm saying that if a girl cannot approach a man herself, it becomes less attractive."

Nico took over as Frank sat down. "That being said, women don't take into account the possibilities of the guy liking her _friend._ Nor do they think that their friends don't like the guy, and won't LIE to him to get his trust."

* * *

><p><em>-Initiate Humorous Scenario-<em>

"_So your friend came up to me today and told me that you've been sleeping with Ricky!"_

"_What? No, I like you! Ricky and I just went to the African Safari the other day!"_

"_Oh the African Safari, Is that what you call your vagina nowadays—do I look like a fucking idiot?"_

"_No it's real!"_

_-End Humorous Scenario-_

* * *

><p>"Tragic. The worst of these days, of course, are Valentines' Day. And guess what the rule is?"<p>

"If you can't get a date, then you're a fucking chach."

Percy stood again after helping Jason with his regurgitating. "Look, ladies, we're not heckling your profession, and we know you have trouble reading us too. However, it's not our fault. We just come equipped with a special armor called 'pride.' Pride is a magical chemical in a man's brain that destroys any trace of emotion pleading for the right to be heard."

* * *

><p><em>-Initiate SECOND Humorous Scenario-<em>

"_Hi, I'm the emotion Love! Don't say anything though, if Percy Jackson hears me, he'll get out his Pride and—"_

"_What the fuck do you think you're doing out of my head, Love?"_

"_Um, Percy sir…I was just…I didn't…"_

"_GTFO."_

_(Violently beats the fuck out of Love and shoves it back into his head.)_

"_Fuckin' right, that'll teach you to come out here and try to talk to people…fuck around and I'll get Hate out here to beat your sorry ass."_

_-End Second Humorous Scenario-_

* * *

><p>"That is basically the extent of what happens."<p>

Jason collected himself. "Furthermore, first dates are never fun. Us men really do a lot to ensure that a girl's first date is special, including paying for dinner, movies, and tax. So you know, with that being said, a _little_ bit of ass at the end of the night isn't that hard for you to sacrifice is it?"

Percy stood again without cue. "Have you guys ever tried to get with a girl on the first date? I know I do. Most women take offense to that, but I really don't see the issue. It's not like; sex is _all_ that I want from you. Now I get that you women are emotional creatures, but why do we have to _talk_? Can't we both just…shut the fuck up once in a while?"

Frank returned to his previous posture. "Moral of this story? Men and women both have a lot on their plates and a lot on their minds during Valentines' Day. We men don't play around with that Aphrodite Cabin bullshit. It's really an unforgiving and unnecessary holiday."

Nico stood up. "You get to the end of the day, after giving her chocolate, spending time with her, writing her love letters, and at the end of it all she barely appreciates it. You might not even get a hug, a kiss, a handshake, and hand job…nothing."

"Bottom line, we all know that men and women don't really like this holiday. Men suffer through it to impress girls and get into their pants, and _sometimes_, if he's not hungry, into her heart. While girls use the holiday as an excuse to nag the guys and possibly get ass themselves."

Percy's mouth was full of yogurt. "WE DON'T WIKE IT. Valentimes dway is a shellfish, emotionawey-dwiven abyss of depwession and dwarkness. It pwopts people to be like me, stuffing their moufths with yogwurt and chocolate and romance mwovies."

Percy began to stuff more and more yogurt in his cheeks and then proceeded to cry.

"Do you see now, ladies?" Jason said with a sympathetic, demeaning facial expression. "You've caused the man to cry and run himself into obesity. End Valentine's Day today, and make for a better tomorrow."

"_I was the best thing to happen to her! But who cares, I have my yogurt! I love you yogurt, DO YOU LOVE ME?"_

"Great, now he's beating the yogurt. Someone call the Trix bunny and get a towel."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Short chapter, but just in time for the dreaded Valentine's Day. Haha just kidding, I actually love that holiday a lot. It's an excuse to pretend you're heartbroken and stuff your face with heart-shaped chocolate. I hope to update again possibly by the end of this weekend, so stay tuned. The season is far from over.**_

– _**Chris**_


	12. Season Two Ep Five

_**A/N: I AM BACK. I have not really worked on this for a while. Nevertheless, I will NEVER abandon a story…that I promise! So here it is. From the ashes of its hiatus, Stolls' Show is back on the air.**_

**Season Two – Ep. Five**

"**Condescending Percy"**

* * *

><p>Percy woke up from his deep slumber to a knock on his cabin door. Nico Di Angelo stood in the doorway with a smile on his face.<p>

"Percy, wake up! It is time for breakfast! The Gods are visiting today!"

"Really?" Percy asked, surprised. For some reason, a slightly sarcastic and rude attitude could be felt rising up in his throat.

"Yeah! So excited, I haven't seen my dad in forever!"

Then it happened.

"Oh, you never see your dad? You two must be so close."

Nico starred with a slant in his eyes. "Dick."

* * *

><p>Later, at lunch, Percy sat with his friends, Jason, Nico, Leo, and the Stolls. Their parents had arrived a few hours ago. Percy's father sat with his brothers, and motioned for Percy to come over to the table.<p>

When Percy arrived, he overheard Zeus telling a grotesque story. "So, dude, she was totally naked in the shower, and told me to join her. _Join_ her. I am a God."

Percy smirked. "Oh, you sleep with a lot of women? You must have no STD's."

Zeus starred blankly at his nephew. "Excuse me?"

"Oh you have no response? You must be an incredible politician."

"I don't appreciate your tone, young man!"

"Oh, you're older than me? You must know everything."

Zeus sat in disbelief. _Stupid demigod_.

"Oh, you can use italics as your thoughts? You must really know how to use English syntax."

* * *

><p>During Capture the Flag, Percy simply strolled through the woods as if there was no game in action. He saw a girl walking, snapped a twig, and froze as she drew back an arrow in his direction.<p>

"Perseus…always a pleasure."

"Oh, you can draw back a bow in under ten seconds? You must be so good at archery."

Her eyes narrowed. "Well I am a Hunter."

"Oh, you're a Hunter of Artemis? You must really hate men."

"My ex-boyfriend cheated on me."

"Oh, your boyfriend cheated? Please elaborate on how the entire male population is to blame."

The episode had neared its end, with only 5 minutes to spare. Percy looked up at the camera, and smiled smugly.

"Oh, you're just going to end the episode? You must be an amazing television producer."

Travis and Connor Stoll appeared from out of the bushes with a camcorder. Travis placed his hand on Percy's shoulder and earned a whimper from the frightened son of Poseidon.

"Oh, you're Percy Jackson? You must be the condescending asshole that everyone wants to kill. Goodnight folks."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Yes. Not AS funny as it could be, but still decent. Should I have another BigThreeTV segment, or just another short plot? Tell me what you think in your reviews or you can just PM me about it. I want to update soon, so get to it! **_

– _**Chris**_


	13. Season Two Ep Six

**Season Two – Ep. Six**

"**BigThreeTV: What If"**

* * *

><p>Percy wasted no time looking towards the camera and breaking the fourth wall as he did before. "Good evening, folks," he said in a serious tone. "Welcome to another segment of BigThreeTV."<p>

"Today, we'd like to set some things straight," Jason piped in, wearing a white bathrobe.

"Dude…what up with the robe?"

"A better question…why do you _not_ have a robe?"

"…Touché."

"Apparently," Nico added, "People have been sending in letters for ideas for the show. And frankly, some of the ideas are just not realistic."

"So _what if _**(A/N: I said it!)** we actually used these ideas, and put them into effect? How would they play out in the _real_ world?"

"First idea," Jason interjected, "is a skit involving Percy and Artemis dating. Now, realistically, if she, you know…_didn't_ swear off men, this _could _work…but not really."

"So what happens if that were to be made in reality? Let's take a look," Percy pointed to a TV screen.

* * *

><p><em>WARNING: The following footage has been rated TV-WASGC, or TV-We Are So Getting Canceled, for crude sexist humor, offensive allusions to past events and unnecessary relationship drama. Continue with caution.<em>

* * *

><p>"<strong>Hey, Percy," Artemis said, hugging Percy from behind. Percy smiled at her, and hugged her arms in front of his chest. <strong>

"**Hey Arty, you excited?" he said, sporting his famous goofy grin. She looked at him puzzled.**

"**For our anniversary? What are we having for dinner?" she asked, beaming.**

"**Oh I don't know yet."**

**She punched him.**

"**YOU MADE _NO _PLANS? WHY DON'T I JUST WALTZ RIGHT INTO THE KITCHEN AND MAKE A SANDWICH OR TWO FOR YOU!"**

"**I mean, you _could_ do that, that'd be awesome," Percy eased. She punched him again.**

"**YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLE! WE ARE OVER, PERSEUS!"**

"**Do me a favor, can you keep the giant, man-eating scorpions to a minimum this time?"**

_*AWKWARD RECORD-SCRATCH TRANSISTION*_

* * *

><p>"If you didn't like me before," Percy started, "you're going to hate me with a passion now. Mostly because that 'Orion' quip is something I actually would have said…I'm just…that inconsiderate."<p>

"Ah that is _not_ all though," Nico chortled. "Someone suggested we…make one where Hera decides to cheat on Zeus for once…and takes Jason as a wingman. Just…just watch."

* * *

><p>"<strong>You're not serious! This is rich!" Jason laughed, prompting Hera to scowl at him.<strong>

"**I'm serious," she huffed. "I want this! I'm tired of sitting around being hurt millennia after millennia. It's time I fought back!"**

"**OK, Lady Hera," Jason caught himself, wiping his tears. "Tell you what. We're going to dress you up all sexy-like, and go out to pick up guys. Alright?"**

**She smiled. "Thank you."**

***NOT SO AWKWARD TRANSISTION"**

"**Remember what I told you," Jason said trying not to laugh. Hera was dressed in a form-fitting, golden dress that hugged her curves and stopped mid-thigh for her skirt. "They are one-hundred percent foolproof."**

"**They are absolutely horrid. Any man to fall for these would be a waste of my time."**

"**Oh, I'm sorry; does your _husband_ have preferences? No, he just looks for the best ass. Speaking of which, brown-haired guy at twelve o' clock. Use number three."**

**Hera sighed and strolled up to the man sitting at the bar. At first, he did not speak, until her heard a rather womanly voice call to him in an almost whisper. **

**Hera bit her lip and read reluctantly. "Thank God I found you; I've been looking for a guy with a VCR…that's Very Cute Rear by the way."**

**The man laughed and turned to her. "Not so bad yourself. Wanna dance?"**

***AND BACK TO THE AWKWARD TRANSISTIONING SEQUENCE***

* * *

><p>"That just…can't happen," Percy said, shaking his head.<p>

"It ruined my childhood."

"IT GAVE ME LARYNGITIS!"

Percy and Jason just sat and stared at Nico.

"Bro," Jason said carefully. "What did we say? Calm. You have to stay calm."

Percy simply smirked and turned to the camera, maintaining his serious composure. With Nico doing deep breathing techniques, and Jason helping him do yoga, he felt it was time to end the episode.

"We hope none of this offended you, but we just wanted to prove that some ideas just don't seem plausible, no matter how you approach it—"

Before Percy could finalize his thoughts, Nico threw a chair through the window, roaring uncontrollably.

"MY LARYNGITIS IS ACTING UP. GODS DAMMIT PERCY JUST KILL THE EPISODE NOW!"

Percy turned to the camera and scrambled for the kill function. "Insert clever, witty one-liner here! Good night folks!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: I apologize for the last chapter copying the "Condescending Wonka" meme, I was just stuck in a state of writer's block. Rest assured, this chapter was all me. I hope you liked it!**_

_**P.S. After this, the story will shift to its final episodes, which will be executed in the original, sketch comedy format. Too many people asked for it to make its return, so there you all have it! R&R!**_

– _**Chris**_


	14. Season Two Ep Seven

**Season Two – Ep. Seven**

"**A Little Too Honest"**

_**Special Guest(s): Aphrodite and Dionysus**_

* * *

><p>Percy Jackson ran onto the stage of the amphitheater for the first time in weeks…to a roar of cheers.<p>

"Hello Camp-Half Blood! Welcome back to Stolls' Show!" he yelled over the crowd. Soon, the crowd died down. "I am so happy to be back on stage for once. Apparently people respond more to my face more in person than on a camera so that's why we did this."

Percy was still as funny as ever.

"So, we wanted to do something different for tonight's episode. A lot of people, and we know who you are, are prone to talking about others behind their back. So I figured, what if that wasn't possible? What if everyone had to speak their mind whenever they thought about other people?"

The audience leaned in.

"Knock-knock."

"WHO'S THERE?"

"A Skit, bitches."

The crowd laughed and cried out as usual.

"So, without further ado…prepare to slightly chuckle in a rather miniscule way. Please welcome our freshly written sketch, _A Little Too Honest_."

* * *

><p><em>WARNING: The following sketch is rated TV-MA and contains strong language, crude sexual humor, drugalcohol references and stylized action. All jokes and actions portrayed thereof are not meant to be taken seriously nor should be repeated or attempted outside of this studio. Any violence or conflict that ensues from said attempts or verbal repetition is not a liability of Stolls' Show, its hosts, or the broadcast station in question. Enjoy._

* * *

><p><strong>Percy woke up feeling better than ever, dressing quickly and strutting outside. Before he could make it to the Dining Pavilion for breakfast, however, he was intercepted by Annabeth.<strong>

"**Percy, you left before I could evaluate your cabin," she said to her boyfriend. "And your cabin is a pig sty."**

"**Well why don't _you_ clean it you OCD know-it-all bitch."**

"**EXCUSE ME?"**

**Percy froze. "D-Did I say that out loud?"**

"**Yes, yes you did."**

"**Oh…well what I meant to say was…um…run along and do your math problems you condescending, ingenious Lilliputian Blondie?"**

"**WE'RE THE SAME HIEGHT YOU IDIOT!"**

"**YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE ME MORE THAN THEY LIKE YOU!—No, I didn't mean to say that!"**

* * *

><p><em>Annabeth stormed off as the audience laughed.<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Percy continued to walk, wondering exactly what just happened. Before he could question it further, he heard a voice call to him from afar…one that he did not expect to hear.<strong>

"**Percy!" Aphrodite called out, standing by the lake with all of her daughters and sons, wearing a revealing pink bikini. "Come and swim with us!"**

"**Well I would, Lady Aphrodite but I don't want to get herpes! Uh, I-I mean syphilis! NO, I MEANT—this has nothing to do with the fact that you've been ridden more than a flock of Pegasi!"**

"**PERSEUS…I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO INCINERATE MY FAVORITE DEMIGOD. I SUGGEST YOU APOLOGIZE."**

**Percy was scared to death, afraid that he would be zapped at any moment. "I'm sorry Lady Aphrodite. Anyslut…er, anyway, I want to make it to breakfast on time, maybe some other day, OK?"**

* * *

><p><em>Aphrodite was still fuming, but the audience continued to laugh about Percy's outbursts.<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Percy finally made it to the Pavilion, happy to just sit in silence and not cause anymore turmoil. Unfortunately, Dionysus walked up to him and did a rare thing: he said hello.<strong>

"**Perry!" he practically gurgled. "How have you been?"**

"**Do you do that on purpose or are you just a completely inconsiderate fucktard?"**

"**W-What?"**

"**I mean not only do you mess up everyone's name, but you also deal out dangerous quests to inexperienced demigods like we're pieces of meat. You judge us based on the past idiots that fucked themselves and everyone else over and you truly believe that our destinies are intertwined in such a way that we just fuck up too, so you treat us disrespectfully and don't even give us the courtesy of giving proper nomenclature. Well, truthfully, we need to stop giving a damn and treating you the same way. So with all due respect, Mr. T…off is the general direction in which I would prefer you to fuck."**

**Dionysus' jaw was hanging lower than ever before. "T-They told me you were saying some rash things. Saying what's on your mind."**

"**Only the difference is I _wanted _to say that." **

"**Oh, well I appreciate the honesty. It was just a little too honest."**

"**NO. IT'S MY JOB TO CLEVERLY INSERT THE SKETCH NAME INTO THE STORYLINE OF THE SKETCH IN QUESTION!"**

**Percy punched Dionysus in the face and the Dining Pavilion flew into chaos. Chiron shouted at the top of his lungs, silencing the campers, and then trotted over to Percy.**

"**Perseus, do you have anything to say for yourself?"**

**Percy looked at Chiron and then the camera. "Yarrrghh. Get to the choppa?"**

* * *

><p>Percy ran back onto stage to a roar of laughter and cheers, as usual. Silencing the crowd, he looked like he had big news.<p>

"Thank you for watching this week's episode! Join us next week when we, for the first time in history, roast the Olympian Council!"

The crowd cheered and Percy ran backstage, to a shocked and skeptical pair of Stolls. Travis was the first to speak up.

"Do you _want_ to die next weekend?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: It took forever to update this too, but yes, the Roast is happening. The first installment of that should be in sometime next week. I promise you all! **_

_**- Chris**_


	15. Season Two Ep Eight

**Season Two – Ep. Eight**

"**Bad Stories and Bad Lyrics"**

_**Special Guest(s): The Olympian Council**_

* * *

><p>Percy stood on stage first, rather than running out to greet the crowd.<p>

"In the news this morning…I um…I guess I am considered somewhat of a celebrity for this show of mine. And apparently, I was talking to my publicist earlier and he introduced me to something interesting. **This thing called fan fiction**."

The audience laughed, obviously knowing what was coming.

"Seriously, there is this entire archive of fan-written stories about myself and the cast of _Stolls' Show_. I'm actually kind of impressed. I wanted to share a couple with you. Just to give you all a glimpse of how fucked up I am in both television and real life**.**"

Travis ran onto the stage to hand Percy an iPad, wave to the audience, and then left. Percy began scrolling on the tablet until he found the stories he was searching for.

"Okay, so this one is called, "_**Forbidden Attraction**_. The summary states: '_Celeste is an exotic dancer, while Jennifer works for a big corporation. Both are in love with Percy Jackson, the host of the popular TV Show, Stolls' Show. Which one will he choose?'"_

The audience roared with laughter.

"**When have I **_**ever**_** associated with strippers?"**

Percy tried his best not to laugh, whilst searching for the second most outrageous story.

"_**In Space, No One Can Hear You Scream**_. The summary says: '_It has been five years since Percy Jackson was gang-raped by Martians'—_**What?**"

By now, the audience was crying.

"**Who starts a story—I am so confused. Somebody explain why…"**

As hard as he tried, Percy could not help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the stories he was sharing. He scrolled down to find the third and final story.

"_**Accidental Love**_. The summary says: _'Overcome with lust, Percy has sex with Travis backstage after the show. What happens when Travis becomes obsessed with the irresistible star?'"_

The audience cried out and some guests nearly fell out of their seats.

"**Now THIS story seems realistic!" **

Chuckling lightly, Percy put his tablet away as the audience laughter died down.

"I know a lot of you were expecting to see a roast of the Gods, but unfortunately, we couldn't get all of their permission. Luckily, as filler for their disagreement, we did get the entire Olympian council to agree to attend tonight's episode. We have Zeus, my father Poseidon, Hades, Hera, Aphrodite, Hephaestus, and Athena…all of them. Welcome them warmly!"

The audience cheered loudly; some even stood to show respect.

"I'm surprised they all agreed to this. I thought for sure they'd be surprised to see all the children they didn't know they had."

Some people laughed, while most gave a disapproving "awwwww" in response to Percy's low-blow."

"**Aww…it's a TV show, assholes."**

The audience seemed to forgive him in an instant.

"Seriously, though, I am really happy to see all of you out of your comfort zone, I mean…Aphrodite doesn't have a mirror in front of her, Hephaestus left his screwdriver at home, and Athena doesn't have an H.G. Wells novel in her hands. This is a beautiful moment."

"Ares is here…you know he actually wanted a re-match to the fight we had when I was twelve…I agreed as long as we could film it and put on the show, so people would actually give a shit."

The audience cried out and chanted "Ohhhhhh!" to Percy's burn.

"Enough of my ripping on my family, I think it's time to get to the sketch. Lyrics in songs, sometimes they start out nice and end terribly. So we put something together for all of you to showcase those situations. It doesn't have a name…but just watch."

_Percy, Nico, Jason, and Mitchell all sat down in a circle, Percy tuning a guitar, Nico checking his microphone, Jason tinkering with a drum set, and Mitchell fidgeting with his bass guitar. Out of nowhere, Drew walks in._

"**Okay boys, let's get this over with," she said.**

"**Um…what, um…what are you doing here, Miss-?"**

"**Tanaka. Drew, Tanaka. I'm here to audition for your band, as a singer."**

"**We already have a singer."**

"**Yes, but it's an all **_**boy **_**band. You need a feminine influence, to broaden your audiences."**

_Percy and the others looked at each other and handed Drew a piece of paper with song lyrics on them._

"**Okay, here we go**. **I stood tall so you could sit down.****But the ground was shallow and I drowned.****Look me in the eyes and tell me it was real.****Open the gates and reveal the light...it was your ** **…vagina?**

"**I wrote them myself," Percy proudly stated. **

"**No, no, no. This is terrible. It's offensive; you can't write lyrics like these!"**

"**Read mine!" Jason pleaded. Dew snatched his lyrics and began to sing them.**

"**Extend your hand and I'll take it in my own. This life is a quilt, for you and I fate has sewn. I'll stand by your side in the darkness and the light…cheese nipple. **

"**Beautiful," Nico mused, giving Jason a high-five.**

"**Okay, I'm leaving."**

"They were so good at it until the end, man!" Percy laughed. "My goal by the end of today is to have all of you say 'cheese nipple' for no reason at all. ANY situation. 'Hey baby how was your day?' 'Cheese nipple.'"

The audience jeered again. Even the Olympians found themselves laughing.

"Heh, join us next week for another episode of Stolls' Show! Give it up for Drew's wonderful singing voice, that was all her; give it up for the Olympian Council in the audience. Give it up for cheese nipple, that'll be a trend soon! Good night!"

Percy ran backstage to find a fuming Travis Stoll.

"I'm not having sex with you."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: And I'm back. School, college applications, midterms…this is all a little harrowing. Sorry for the delay.**_


	16. Season Two Ep Nine

_**A/N: I've been gone for a while. I've been doing the ACT, SAT, AP Testing, and am now currently writing my school's next play. A lot of stuff has been going on but I made a promise when posting these stories to continue and/or finish them. When that happens is beyond me, like this story for example, which can go on for quite some time. I'm writing a novel on the side too. A lot of different creations are swimming in my head that it's difficult to focus on these alone, but I can assure you all, I have not abandoned these and plan to finish them THIS YEAR. No exceptions. So here is the Sixteenth chapter, of many more to come.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Season Two – Special Announcement<strong>

"**Big News"**

_**Special Guest(s): Leo Valdez**_

Percy walked anxiously on stage with Leo Valdez, son of Hephaestus, in tow. He seemed uneasy to begin the show, and the audience, amidst their applause, noticed this. Leo rubbed Percy's back comfortingly and egged him on, after which he turned to the crowd.

"Hey guys, welcome back to Stolls' Show, after what seems to have been a long hiatus."

The audience cheered, which made Percy smile a little.

"So, um, it's only fair that I tell you all why we've been gone for so long. The reason the show was put on hold for so long…has actually a lot to do with my good friend here standing right beside me, Leo Valdez. We were recently contacted by Hephaestus, the proprietor of Hephaestus TV and Olympic Entertainment Studios. We were working on our very own theatrical film."

The audience went wild.

"The film is a comedy adventure starring myself and Mr. Valdez, along with the entire cast of Stolls' Show as a supporting cast. The film was funded and distributed in full by Olympic Entertainment Studios and is currently slated for release on June 11, 2013. This is evidently tomorrow. We've told you this as a reminder to buy tickets on your way out and see the film, because we don't want our hard work to go to waste!"

"Now, this is not an actual full-length episode, this is only an announcement," Leo clarified, much to the dismay of the audience. "We will, however, be returning to you in a matter of days. We need a little bit of time to keep up with the film's premieres. The actual release date was supposed to be much farther back than this, but we are giving our studio audience a pre-screening as thanks for sticking with us for so long."

The audience cheered and clapped for, if anyone, themselves.

"So thank you all for being with us, we'll see you in a few days, and make sure to see that pre-screening tomorrow! It's gonna be good!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: You heard them. The new film will be a separate fanfic, to be posted tomorrow. Name and summary to be decided.**_


End file.
